


Piece by piece

by DarkSilverWings



Category: Gintama
Genre: But didn't have, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M, More tags to be added, The AU that Gintoki/Hijikata needed, hybrid child - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:29:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6858799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSilverWings/pseuds/DarkSilverWings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tell me you don't know how to love, I'll love you unconditionally<br/>Will you teach me how to love? The way you love unconditionally?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dusty alleyways are the best places to pick up expensive things

Dusty alleyways are the best places to pick up expensive things  
Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshirou

Moving out of the Hijikata residence was for his health. Not for his physical health, no doubt the stunt he had pulled would daunt his siblings, no, he had to move so he wouldn't feel Tamegoro's spirit choking his heart. It had been six years since he'd first been hospitalised. Hijikata Toshirou had never been good at controlling his rage when it boiled over, though he did his best to avoid just that, so when some bastards had the audacity to actually remove his brother's oxygen mask and leave him to suffocate till he was coughing blood out of his lungs, it really tipped him off the edge. Since then they'd moved Tamegoro to the ICU, and Toshirou was rarely allowed to see him. 

The atmosphere alone reminded him too much of his mother, but he loved Tamegoro almost just as much and every hour he could hold his eyelids open was spent in the hospital. The drive was two hours long, but he didn't care. Sometimes he was allowed inside, fell asleep against the bed, woke up with his brother's weak fingers threaded through his hair and a much-too-painful smile from the man, telling him how soft and shiny it was, telling him he was an adorable, sweet child, telling him he was the best brother he could ask for. Toshirou could never say anything, his throat caught on fire and his lungs became waterlogged the second he tried to open his mouth, so he stayed by the bedside, wide eyes filled to the brim with tears and hoped to God Tamegoro could understand the words he didn't speak. 

The gentle smiles he got were reply enough, but every day was too short. He was twelve when he moved into one of the Hijikata family caretakers houses far enough not to be at Tamegoro's home and close enough to visit the hospital. The days become bleak and school just barely a blur, it was all he could do to keep his demeanour aloof and not utter a single word during classes. Eventually the teachers learned to stop asking him questions, at his reluctance to answer. He's trudging back home on a side scuffled road when he first sees the blank stare of a lifeless child. It's near the older part of town, and the child is alone and gazes emptily at the wall. Permed silver hair is tousled by the breeze, a loose set of clothes hanging about his form, a wooden kendo sword clutched to his side. 

Toshirou would normally walk by without a second thought, he's seen plenty of abandoned kids, but the quietude in the alleyway allows him to pick up the soft whirring metallic noise emanating from the other boy. Taking a deep breath, he hitches his bag up his shoulder a bit and goes to wave his hand in front of the other's face. The boy doesn't open his eyes. "Excuse me? Are you alright...?" He lowers his voice and tugs at his uniform, watching with vague fascination as heavier machinery noises shred through the air around him, emanating from the slightly open mouth of the strange boy. Hijikata doesn't think the boy is going to speak, doesn't even think he can speak, but the sputtering broken noise that tumbles from his lips is so disjointed that he almost wishes the boy had actually said nothing. Unable to leave him here to collapse under the weight of whatever gear system that was, Toshirou sighs and shifts his school bag, carefully hooking at arm below the other's and stumbling a bit from the weight. The boy walks towards him jerkily, like a rusty clockwork toy, and he decides this is severely disconcerting and there has to be something he can do to fix this. Fortunately, he now knows the boy _can_ indeed walk, making his job of moving him much easier.

It's a full two hours late when he rings the bell of the door, unable to reach for his house keys, but the serving lady welcomes him inside with a smile, wrinkles curling upwards kindly with her lips. The boy had stopped moving, so Toshirou tried to nudge him, and his legs moved again past the woman in the doorway and leaning heavily on the dark haired child. "Dear me, Toshirou, is that a Hybrid Child? Those are awfully expensive, and why did you choose an albino male?"  
"So that's what this is. He ain't mine, I found 'im in the garbage. I'm goin' t'my room." With that, he's off down the hallway leaving the old lady to attempt recalling when the last time was that her Hijikata family ward had brought anyone home, and giving up halfway with the admittance that he never had brought anyone at all.

Toshirou sets the boy down on his bed as he throws his bag and jacket unceremoniously on the couch of the room and flips his study chair around so he can sit on it backwards and stare contemplatively at the quiet boy. "You got a name?"  
The boy blinks, as if he needs to think about it, touches his neck in faltering motions and answers in a voice embodiment of rust, "S-...aka...Sakata...Gi...Gintoki."  
"Sakata Gintoki? Well okay, I'm Hijikata Toshirou. So you're a Hybrid Child?"  
Gintoki seems to be debating whether to respond or not, and finally does so in a poor imitation of a nod. Toshirou doesn't want to speak anymore, so he does the next thing on his priority list about this boy, get him fresh clothes. 

After he's showered quickly, he tries to get Gintoki to bathe, but he can barely move on his own, let alone clean himself, so Toshirou pulls his arm over his shoulder again, frowning, "Such a pain in the ass." He helps Gintoki remove the layers of torn, dusty clothing till he's standing in white, standard briefs that probably came with his packaging. The water is lukewarm, but he reasons it's alright, wonders if the white haired boy will short circuit, then shrugs towards the tub. Luckily, his companion gets the message and staggers towards the tub, tripping into it with a splashing noise. Toshirou sighs, picks up the soap, and gets to helping him clean his face and neck before dumping the torn clothes in the trash and going into his room to pick out new ones. They're about the same height and size, so he picks a pair of loose tracks and a tank top he never wears. Leaving the clothes in a pile on the rack, he turns and jolts, having not noticed the boy behind him blinking stupidly. "You look like an idiot with that face", he declares, passing Gintoki the clothes and a pair of unused underwear before he stomps out the bathroom, rather miffed that he'd been scared.

Toshirou's legs still aren't long enough to reach the floor so he swings them, tipping his torso back till his upper body is flat against the bed with his arms behind his head. Hauling Gintoki with him that distance and then helping the boy bathe had left his energy sapped to its minimum, and he drifts asleep before dinner, before Gintoki even finishes changing, to the tired thought that he'd love a couple of days off to take care of the Hybrid Child he'd picked up.

\---

Gintoki doesn't talk much for the next week, mainly because Hijikata doesn't talk much to him and the android therefore has nothing to respond to. Toshirou doesn't like the rusty voice he had used before, and would rather the other keep quiet than speak like that. School keeps the dark haired boy occupied enough that he doesn't have time sufficient for anything, let alone taking care of a Hybrid child, but he does his best nonetheless. It, well he, eats regular food so he doesn't have to buy any kind of oil or the like, but he does buy care-taking magazines and discovers Hybrid children only grow when they're given affection, or shown care. He's never known how to give or show that, but he tries, nods to him good morning, calls him for meals, and lets him sleep in his bed. It's comfortable since it's winter and Gintoki seems to be emanating heat into his sheets. 

Finally, however, the weekend rolls around and all his work is done, leaving a solid two days for him to work on figuring out everything he'd need to know about the silver haired boy. Gintoki sits against the wall of the doorway as usual to welcome him home, and Toshirou takes his shoes off and leads the other to his room, but this time he doesn't silently go to do his homework. He takes a risk he isn't sure of and asks, "Is your voice better now or not?" It comes off waveringly impatient and he wants to take it back but it looks like Gintoki doesn't want him to from the way his eyes light up a little, just enough to be noticeable, and he replies in a smooth, terrifyingly human-like voice, "Much better, thank you, Hijikata-sama"

He's glad Gintoki knows not to call him Toshirou, and wonders what's pulling at his conscience for attention as it has been this past week. And then it hits him with the force of a train that makes him want to throw Gintoki right out the window. _Tamegoro._ He doesn't bother covering up the horror that melts into his eyes and doesn't say anything to his companion, just rushes out of the room the fastest his legs will move and shoves his feet into the shoes he'd left at the entrance before dashing like a mad creature for the hospital, forgetting about a cab or the train and running the whole distance until he finds himself in and past the hospital waiting room, taking the stairs two at a time till the all-too-familiar number RA-13 is in front of him on the door. He almost fears the worst when there's no sound from inside, but pushes the thought aside as strongly as he can and turns the doorknob, ignoring the pounding in his chest and nearly collapses at the entrance when he sees his brother, sitting up and reading a book he used to read to Toshirou.

If Tamegoro would just get angry he would take any harsh words without complaint, but he receives a warm smile instead, and can't stop himself from running to and clutching him tightly, burying his head in his brother's chest and clawing away the pain that rises when he can barely smell the comforting smell that was usually about the man through the masking stench of various medicines. Shaking fingers thread through his hair and he only presses himself closer and mumbles "I'm sorry" through the dry sobs heaving his frame and tossing his stomach into churning knots. Tamegoro holds his smaller, fragile body close and continues to comb through his scented locks, waiting until Toshirou becomes still and doesn't speak in streams of desperate apologies anymore. "Toshirou?"

He's met with a liquid filled starry sky of the young boy's blue eyes, and smiles affectionately, "There's no need to apologise, Toshirou, I'm glad that you've made a friend. Bring them along next time so I can teach them not to mess with my little brother." At the surprised confusion that leaks through his expression Tamegoro continues, "Because, Toshirou, there could be no other reason you'd break routine but a person. People tend to do that, you know? Change you. I was beginning to worry you wouldn't give anyone a chance to care for you."  
He wants to ask why anyone would care for him, why Tamegoro himself cares, wants to say that his mom who had cared ended up dying of an illness much like the one now gripping his brother. 

He's a beacon for bad luck, anyone who cares for him seems to get hurt so he's not surprised when people stop caring for him. He isn't surprised when Tamegoro speaks as if he's heard Toshirou's thoughts, "Because you're worth being cared for, and you should give them a chance. Just so that you aren't alone without me." He sighs into Toshirou's raven locks, tousling the ends and then mumbles as if to himself, "You should grow out your hair, it'd suit you very well." Toshirou lets himself be held until the nurse comes in and tells him, albeit sadly at seeing them, that visiting hours are over and he can come see his brother tomorrow. He jumps down from the bed once Tamegoro lets go, and walks with his fists clenched behind the nurse out of the room, refusing to turn around for fear of how he might react on seeing Tamegoro's warm smile; he doesn't want to run back and make trouble for the doctors and nurses.

Once he's left the hospital building behind, he walks only till the road and digs his wallet out of his pocket and clutches it with both hands because its too big for one of his. The kind nurse helps him hail a taxi and then lifts him up into the back seat, watching with a smile as he gives directions to the driver, who also seems to be smiling as he addresses the nurse, "This boy's really adorable ain't he?" To which she replies, "Oh yes, and he's so responsible too. His brother has been admitted here for a while now, poor thing."  
After a few more pleasantries to which he doesn't complain, the taxi leaves the area and he sees the nurse waving. He doesn't wave back, but she doesn't seem to mind, she probably can't see him anyway. 

The driver hums a tune under his breath and looks rather pleased every time Toshirou points out a route on the roads. He pulls up at his house at almost dinner time, and clutches the door handle with both hands and pulls, sliding off and jumping down from the seat of the car before counting enough for the ride and reaching his hand up to the window to pay. The driver only takes about half the notes, and sends a wink his way with the words, "This one's half off on the old man okay? I hope your onii-chan gets better soon so I can drive y'both around town." Toshirou nods by way of response and pockets the rest of the notes with a thank you, watching the man drive off for a few seconds before going to open the door. Gintoki stands in the doorway, pacing back and forth in front of the housekeeping woman. Toshirou blinks confusedly at both of them before asking with a frown, "What is it? What're y'both so worried 'bout?"

Gintoki's eyes widen at seeing him, "Hijikata-sama! You ran off as soon as you heard me speak so I thought I did something to scare you off and your caretaker got worried too."  
He almost scoffs, pulling off his shoes and making to stuff his hands in his pockets answering, "It's none'o yer business where I go, and for your information I didn't leave because o'your stupid voice."  
Gintoki's expression falls, in a way that makes Toshirou feel like he's used to that, and he hates that so he corrects himself, "A-although I'm glad you got your voice back and I'm sorry I ran off like that without saying anything."  
Before he can put his hands in his pockets when he steps over the doorway, Gintoki stops him and clutches the fingers in his own, strangely realistic ones, with a faint gleam in his eye and a wordless smile like he's been given a treasure. Toshirou manages to shoot back half a smile, and allows himself to be led back to the kitchen with him and the pleased looking caretaker for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this an intro chapter? I promise it'll get good I just thought to write the Hybrid Child AU that for some reason this tag didn't have. Aaaand I'm still procrastinating writing my other GinHiji fic I'm sorry orz  
> (Yes I know the "Hijikata-sama" will change eventually don't flame me it was necessary)


	2. An encounter, isn't that the beginning of suffering?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take steps to learn, I promise we will  
> Till then, please put up with me?

An encounter, isn't that the beginning of suffering?  
Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshirou

Toshirou hasn't cut his hair since Tamegoro's absentminded request for him to grow it. One year worth of leaving it be finds it brushing the base of his nape and nearly dangling in his eyes to the point where sometimes it's difficult to study or read. He still hasn't joined any clubs, doesn't even feel the need to. He's finally decided how to balance his time, with visits to Tamegoro once during the week and on one day of the weekend, which is all the old nurse lets him, fearing violence again, and spends the time he doesn't on schoolwork trying to fix up Gintoki. The silver haired child was always whistling and humming tunes from radio commercials, picking up comic strips from newspapers and fiddling with Hijikata's hair in a way that he doesn't complain but is too embarassed to say that he likes. 

He suspects Gintoki knows though, because whenever his face heats up he sees the other grin cheekily. Apparently he's doing something right though because the boy seems to grow as he does, looking and acting his age and learning everything he didn't deem a bother. It's been said before that Hybrid Children develop their own personalities and have vast learning capacities, but it goes without saying that Gintoki is probably the laziest one there is with the most spunk in his personality. Although he never snaps even a syllable at Toshirou, he's seen him snap at kids from the neighbourhood and brush off the caretaker with little more importance than a wall-fly. When he tells Tamegoro this, his brother only laughs and says this new friend of his might enjoy manga if given the chance, so he buys a copy of JUMP on the way home. Gintoki drops what he's doing the minute he sees it, and leaves the room wordlessly; Toshirou doesn't see what he's done wrong. When he comes back without any excuse for what that was and picks up the book, hugging his owner around the waist and then proceeding to read it immediately, Toshirou thinks he hasn't done a damn thing wrong.

He's making progress though, he knows that if he neglects Gintoki the boy will be poisoned, he knows he himself isn't comfortable with certain points and levels of affection yet that Gintoki might need vitally, but he doesn't receive any complaint. Gintoki's observant and respective of any boundary he sets, from what times he needs to be alone to strictly not petting his head, and that Toshirou likes hugs and cuddling but he's averse to even kisses on his cheek. He isn't sure if its normal for a fourteen year old not to want to be kissed, but he never has felt any attraction to anybody and even Gintoki himself is a conundrum like no other that he's too scared to get close to. He doesn't want to depend on anything more; too much he depends on is already on it's lifeline and too much more is gone.

Gintoki cares without complaint, without protest, as if every quirk he sees is a masterpiece because to him it is and he only wants to see Toshirou's eyes twinkle and his face turn in a smile, he's sure it will be a beautiful smile. He's probably the happiest he has been when Toshirou approaches him with clenched hands and flushed cheeks, he swear his heart skips a beat, and tells him he wants Tamegoro to meet him. The boy doesn't even stammer very much over the words, and Gintoki slings an arm over his shoulders and tells him he'd love to meet his brother, all goofy grins and wide smiles for the boy who'd taken him in without a second thought of how it'd reflect on his reputation or anything of the sort. Toshirou waves to the caretaker absentmindedly, tugging at Gintoki's wrist so the boy would follow and the woman seems to know where they're going so she keeps quiet and smiles at the pair. Gintoki does his best to follow suite and slip on his shoes, barely keeping up with the other's fast pace that when he asks about is because he want to spend as much time as possible before closing hours.

The bus there has only two stops before theirs so Toshirou pulls him to a seat near the front and pays the man who gives them tickets, thinking to let Gintoki keep his own but deciding against it and instead shoving both in his pocket as they pull up at the spot. "Hijikata-sama, slow down, I'm not some athlete yknow, I can't keep up", Gintoki says in a voice that clearly conveys he's doing his best not to roll his eyes. "Well then hurry the hell up cause I ain't waitin' for ya", he shoots over his shoulder, passing through the automatic glass doors and nodding at the woman at the counter, who purses her lips in response. Gintoki can't help but wonder why, yet he keeps his place and doesn't ask. When they reach room RA-13, Toshirou visibly tenses and straightens the school shirt he's still wearing, taking a deep breath before he knocks as softly as he can so as not to startle his brother. "Toshirou? Come in, it's open."

The boy seems to startle a bit; usually his brother is asleep on most weekdays he comes to visit, and he'd have been content even if that'd been the case today. Nevertheless he reaches up and opens the door, allowing Gintoki to enter before he enters as well and closes the door once more. "Onii-han, tha's Gintoki I told ya about. Gintoki, tha's my onii-han, Tamegoro."  
"Quite nice t'finally meet you, Gintoki-kun", Tamegoro's voice is soothing and pleasant, and much less accented than Toshirou's, possibly because of the sheer amount of time he's spent in the hospital where nobody could understand too much of his dialect without calling it slang.

"Nice to meet you too, Tamegoro-san. I'm Hijikata-sama's Hybrid Child, Sakata Gintoki", he introduces as he's been customised to by default, but Tamegoro sees through his façade, "Ah, but you weren't originally his were you?" Hijikata blinks at both of them and cuts in, "'Course not, I picked 'im up in a dusty alley because I couldn't leave 'im to die there I guess."  
Tamegoro seems placated by this, and shifts enough to let Toshirou sit by his bedside before he beckons for the silver haired boy to do the same. He doesn't though, he isn't family, he simply smiles and goes to seat himself on the hospital chair that's too big for him and watches Toshirou curl up into his brother's side and gaze fearfully at the cardiograph behind the man.

Tamegoro absently combs through his youngest brother's soft locks and addresses Gintoki, "So how long've you been living together? Is he taking good care of you?"  
"I've been with him for about five months and he treats me very well Tamegoro-san", normally Gintoki doesn't try so hard to impress people but this man was both extremely important to Toshirou and someone who's aura just exuded such a kind air that he couldn't half-ass any of his answers without feeling terrible. Half an hour before closing time, a nurse clangs the door open and Toshirou startles enough to fall halfway out of the bed before Tamegoro helps him steady himself. The woman has on obviously fake tan and too-bright lipstick and is sporting obnoxiously dyed hair, but none of that makes her dead-eyed glare less horrifying, if Toshirou's ghost pale face is anything to go by.

Gintoki himself feels weak at the knees when she snaps at them, "Gedoutta here ya violent useless delinquent brat, stop disturbing your brother and let him go back to sleep." Gintoki tries to protest, seeing how early it was, "But it's still-"  
"Did I stutter, eh, blondie? What is that, a perm? At your age? Kids these days got too much spare change, tsk. If you're his friend take him and get out before I ban you from this place entirely."  
Tamegoro is too weak to voice protest, and considering his life was in the hands of these nurses and doctors, Toshirou slides away from his brother with a last forlorn smile slowly, allowing Gintoki's warm hand to clasp his and walk out to the lobby, where the kind nurse from the last time he was here offers a wan smile, "I don't know why they're all mean to such a sweet kid, but I'll help you catch a cab alright dear? Is this your friend?"

Toshirou nods, not once letting go of his companion throughout the cab ride home, during which his form shivers for a few minutes and Gintoki doesn't dare look. He murmers a soft sentence, as reassuring as possible into the other's ears after which his head drops onto the silver haired boy's shoulder and his breathing evens, hair tickling the other's neck. It really had grown a bit, he observes, extending to the base of his nape brushing up at his uniform collar, unruly bangs flopping in front of his eyes and covering them from Gintoki's searching gaze. When they reach, he silently pays the fee from what he had in case of emergency and then takes a deep, gear shifting breath, sliding one arm under Toshirou's slender, crossed legs and the other across his back, using his strength to lift the boy and take him to the entrance of the house, knocking with his foot and giving a mock salute to the slack-jawed woman who answers.

He doesn't require sleep, but nevertheless he feels tired for some reason, only lessened by the soundless slumber of the dark haired boy beside him. Once he's placed Toshirou on his bed and pulled the covers up, he settles beside him and stretches his arms a little, feeling his shoulders shift and slide back comfortingly. It's late, terribly so since he'd taken his time walking from where the cab had dropped them to the remote house, and he's thankful the next day is off, leaving them free to wake up as late as possible. It isn't so much him that needs the sleep as Toshirou; he'd noticed the boy working nonstop between his schoolwork, visiting, and taking care of Gintoki himself. He's seen a few scribblings and sketches on the desk as well, that look like little well written pieces of text and glimpses of art he guesses were drawn in the early hours since he'd have seen the boy at the table otherwise. 

Every time he finds those, he carefully places them in a wooden box in the drawer, surprised to see Toshirou barely even notices aside from the occasional shrug upon inspecting his workspace. It's the time of night where nothing from the day is awake anymore, and the creatures of the dark are the only active ones, quiet and comforting if not for the perpetual fear of ghosts he'd gotten from Toshirou himself, though neither would admit to it. Gintoki likes this hour, and not because Toshirou does too, he likes being alone from time to time, at an hour where being alone isn't lonely, only peaceful and seemingly a break from anything else; he knows to some that might be pressing loneliness. To him, it's a chance to look at things for real, to notice properly the state of disarray that the room is in compared to the normal condition, cupboard door half open and books stacked on the floors instead of in the cupboards, paper strewn instead of piled on the desk and a school bag thrown far from carefully against the wall, zip partially open.

It isn't normal, no, when he'd first gotten here everything was spick and span, in place and tidy, and for the most part had remained that way until recently. Gintoki takes a chance and turns to his companion, ghosting his fingers over the slight blotches of tainted skin below his eyes and nearly falling off the bed in shock when Toshirou breathes out softly and leans unconsciously into the other's palm. Gintoki feels his temperature actuators heat up his cheeks involuntarily and shrugs it off as a slight system bug or something, he's aware he might have a few after what'd happened to him.

As he combs softly through smooth black hair, he pulls at his own permed silver locks and decides if Toshirou would grow his hair out, he might get adjustments to change his own style a little bit. Maybe longer bangs? That seemed reasonable enough. All the lights of the house are turned off, but the moonlight slivers are enough to tint Toshirou's lashes silver and drape his cheeks in their pointed shadows. Although he's worried about the boy, worried about overworking and Tamegoro, the room and the caretaker, it's mostly just a step above his indifference. He worried about Toshirou, yes, and at the same time longs to know more about the boy and his circumstance; how a child from a rich family ended up living alone at a too-young age, how his demeanour was so aloof and yet so expressive, how much he cared for anything and everything he did, but all those things could wait. Solutions, answers, encouragement, information, it would take time and he knew that and appreciated it. It was 3:17 A.M., Gintoki was content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a bit of research on the kansai dialect and found out they use "-han" instead of "-san", so that's why Toshirou uses that, incase you were curious :)


	3. Don't speak until you're mature enough to know when not to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lull in conversation isn't so awkward between us  
> It's the silences that I wait for, whispered words in the quietude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait once again, I present to you the new chapter :)   
> Thank you to anyone and everyone reading, I hope you enjoy this one

Don't speak until you're mature enough to know when not to  
Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshirou

"Would you stop moving so I can tie your hair at least?" Toshirou sighs, but sits still as Gintoki brushes out the long locks and reaches for a band to fasten them with. "There's nothing to do about those V-bangs of yours but that's your fault."  
"I didn't choose my hair when I was born, and at least it isn't a dandelion puff on my head."  
"I'll have you know Gin-san's perm is natural and luscious! Don't think you understand a boy's soul by their hair alo-"  
"Gin, are you sure this is alright?" Toshirou's voice turns nervous as he tugs at the sleeves of his shirt and flicks his eyes up briefly to meet the other's. Gintoki sighs affectionately, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against the other's cheek before murmuring, "He's your brother, Hijikata-sama, of course it's alright."

He stops himself from saying his first name and doesn't try to leave a kiss, but strokes his palm across the other's cheekbone nonetheless. Fingers curl into the base of his neck and he smiles, just the thought that he'd become such a fixture in his owner's life that he was even willing to take a moment before seeing his brother makes his heart do flips. When the same fingers nudge just the slightest he moves back, flashing a goofy grin as he grabs one of the pale hands and proclaims if he didn't march the other out of the house nobody would. Really nobody, since the caretaker had retired last year and they were alone in the large house. Tamegoro had gotten worse and had been transferred to what the doctors told them was a 'better facility' but was probably just another word for research lab. Toshirou can't protest. But now that they'd finally brought him back to the hospital, he was allowed visitors once more and the hopeful young boy was now a high schooler who just wanted his loving brother back.

Gintoki had agreed to go with him to see his brother, and it still felt like as much of an honour as it had the first time he'd been invited, except this time Toshirou was a nervous wreck. After tugging the hem of his black yukata once more Gintoki pulls him out, watching the wind sweep his dark locks around in the high noon light and so very thankful that the hair-tie he'd used hadn't snapped. They decide to walk, because of how close it was and because they weren't so small anymore that it'd take them forever. Toshirou had always been certain he wasn't giving enough to Gintoki and worried more than he said for the hybrid child, in fact Gintoki was perfectly content and smiling, growing along with him and ruffling his hair. Sometimes he gets a smile that tells him he has nothing to worry about. There's a cicada chirping somewhere, he hasn't heard that sound in a while.

A roadside thug spots the glinting black hair and strolls out of his alleyway with his lackeys trailing, blocking their path with a wooden bat and Gintoki sees Toshirou's brow tick. "Whatcha doin 'ere pretty boy? Off to afternoon tea?" Pink lips twist into a snarl, he'd never been good at keeping his temper; Gintoki just smirks. "Oh ho, your boyfriend's with you eh? Lets see if he's still smirking when I break your jaw", comes the taunt, bat raising to the side of his face and now his eyes are shaded with rage. A light tap on his cheek before the bat is raised for a swing that Toshirou catches in the heel of the palm he'd let go of Gintoki's hand with, he twists his legs and jerks his arm around, swinging the guy over his shoulder to slam against a trash can with a loud rattling sou

A broken, nasally voice tells the groaning boy, "B-boss, that's...that's Baragaki Toshi..."  
The guy's eyes widen, his mouth splits into a terrified grimace as the other lackey finishes, "...a-and the Shiroyasha, his-"  
"Hybrid Child", he cuts off breathlessly, continuing under his breath, "Oh my god, _fuck,_ I've never seen them in person I had no idea-"  
Toshirou is trying to curb his anger, fists shaking and reaching around Gin's waist for his bokken that he'd bought off a radio show and liked to pretend was from a far away galaxy. When the thug notices this he presses his head to the pavement, "Please forgive me Baragaki Toshi-sama! I'm sorry! I didn't recognise you because I didn't think you would be this attractive!"  
Toshirou scoffs, Gin nudges him, and they're gone in a storming flurry of raven black and sky silver.

He stops outside the hospital, and looks at his clothes to see if they're scuffed or dirty, "Gin, hold on-" alabaster hands find his shoulders and dust outwards a bit before those same fingers rest against his cheeks, "You look fine, Hijikata-sama." Toshirou turns against his palm and he feels sensation skitter up his arm when the other's lips brush his skin. A warm sigh picks up on his temperature sensors and he brings Toshirou close enough to rest his head on Gintoki's shoulder. Playing with the ends of the hair he can see, he finds the other's hand with his free one and rubs his palm across the knuckles. 

He tries to speak, "You know, Hijikata-sama, if you didn't scowl so much you'd have lovestruck people chasing at your heels. I bet quite a few already are but even more so."  
He feels the breath against his neck for a while before he gets an answer, "Don't need 'em."  
"Why's that?"  
"...'cause I've got you."

Gintoki smiles, pressing his lips to the other's hair before moving him to an arms length and watching the grateful smile wash over his owner's face and they enter through the glass doors. The place is as sterile as it had been the last time they were here, smelling of illness, medicine and plastic. Whitewashed walls with blinding white light flashed against them, and a register that now seems too small. In fact the hospital itself looks quite a bit smaller, but that's probably because of how much they'd grown. Four crucial years had passed after all. Gintoki does recognise both the kind nurse from before and the crazy one with the ugly fake tan, and is only slightly surprised that they still work here. 

Toshirou strides up to the counter when he notices this as well. The woman with the fake tan checks her lipstick quickly when she sees the boy, hair swishing as he walks. She leans against the counter as she asks, "Wha' could we possibly do for ya dear?" Toshirou shoots a befuddled glance at Gintoki, who shrugs, and the woman's eyes widen when she catches sight of his face. "Aren't you that kid with a perm from like a few years ago?"  
"For the last time, my permed hair is natural! I didn't ask for this fate!" Protests the silver haired boy, adjusting the piece of cloth he wore to keep his bangs back when he needed to focus. Toshirou turns to the stunned remaining secretary, "Excuse me, miss? I'm 'ere for the patient in room RA-13."  
The lady blinks and smiles, "The little girl in that room is yours?"  
"Little gi- no, no I'm looking for Hijikata Tamegoro."  
She looks him up and down and flashes another caring smile, "Right through here sweetie. His room is separate now, since he's been with us quite so...quite...uhm...-", with the realisation that that sentence may be slightly ill phrased, she stops only to have Toshirou bite his lip past a, "Thanks for takin' care of 'im."

The room door doesn't loom in front of him, but it's no less heavy when he takes a deep breath and pushes open the door. Gintoki whistles silently at his heels, to the tune of a song he almost smiles at, the churning in his gut being the only reason he doesn't. Tamegoro is asleep, and asleep they can see all the things they can't when he's awake. Dark circles, gaunt features, frail body and exhausted expression, usually things the man so easily masks with his demeanour. Toshirou bites his lip again, pulling the skin off and Gintoki cringes but doesn't say a word while he watches his master sit in front of his brother, gently combing through his outgrown hair and tracing the outline of cheekbones that didn't used to be this prominent. 

The nurse looks for a moment before she flashes a sympathetic smile to Gintoki and leaves to give them privacy. If there's one thing Gintoki's learnt, it's his master's moods. He knows when not to speak, and this is one of those times so he sits on the chair by the beside and reaches out to grasp Toshirou's hand, laying the clasped fingers in his lap and rubbing almost human thumbs over the other's knuckles. Blue eyes don't glance his way, but he knows his gesture is appreciated from the lessening of the tick in the other's brow. Pale fingers squeeze his ever so lightly but it's there and he felt it. Quietly, he prays to a god he doesn't really believe in, for Tamegoro and for Toshirou.

Closing hours come, and Toshirou doesn't need to be told this time. Gintoki almost regrets how he's matured because he doesn't see the spark of blatant confusion, of innocent curiosity, of stubbornness. When the woman with the fake tan opens the door, Toshirou strides past her before she can get a word in, Gintoki skipping along behind him with a snap of the fingers to her bewildered face. On the way back they stop at the super market for groceries, because Toshirou cooks now and Gintoki makes them dessert because he has a strange fixation to sweet things and the other doesn't seem to mind too much. He notices the first thing Toshirou does is pick up tea and coffee, followed by various other proportions of things they could eat and should eat for the next few days. They're in the chocolate isle when a short girl bumps into the dark haired boy's mid back before jumping away and apologising continuously as she bowed. Somehow Toshirou doesn't look the least bit interested even though the girl is adorable, and Gintoki makes a tsk sound under his breath. "U-um..."

Apparently the girl hasn't left, and Gintoki's almost annoyed when Toshirou responds cordially with a, "Can I help ya?"  
He hopes he's imagining the colour flooding to her cheeks and a glance to the right tells him Toshirou doesn't seem to notice. She plays with her fingers briefly before shoving a paper out in her left hand. Toshirou looks confused when he takes the paper and even more when he reads the contents. He replies with an honest, "'m sorry, but I can't." And she seems to smile brighter before gesturing to flip the card which apparently had her phone number because she pulls out the magenta flip phone with its rhinestone keychain. "C-can we at least be friends?"

Toshirou shrugs, pulls his phone out and taps it to hers distractedly. A beaming smile reaches her face when she gets contact details and Gintoki sets his jaw back from giving a mouthful when she skips off. Toshirou chuckles when he catches sight of the Hybrid Child's expression, a sight so rare it melts the tension right off his face. "I know, Gin, 's dangerous right? 've been called delinquent enough t'prove I can handle this stuff so don't worry too much."  
Still unconvinced, Gintoki wanders with a frown on his face as Toshirou pays up at the counter and hands a bag to the other. He reaches out to brush his fingers against Toshirou's and curses that he hadnt gripped his hand directly goddammit because Toshirou thought it was an accident and he knew that would happen. So he slips his hand fully into the other's palm and watches his cheeks turn pink as he tugs his scarf up. But he doesn't seem to mind.


	4. How can you cry a river when your mind can't cross a bridge?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For as long as we have time together I will treasure you,  
> But tell me, oh please, how much longer do we have?
> 
> However long it is, it's not enough  
> So hold me now while we're still breathing

How can you cry a river when your mind can't cross a bridge?  
Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshirou

If a single person from their school were to see the infamous "Demonic vice captain" crying, they wouldn't even be able to react. Much less can be said of the hybrid child who doesn't know what to say in this situation. Toshirou is still wearing his uniform, red cuff around his upper arm and pleading with the doctor to tell him it's a lie, to let him through. But the elderly man stands patiently against all the fumbling attempts not to break down, a sympathising expression disguising his calm features. He probably tells a dozen people the same thing in a day, so Gintoki's glad he's taking the time to speak to Toshirou, because the natural perm isn't sure what to do even in the slightest.

Finally, after what's too long of Gintoki's stiffly standing there and Toshirou's red rimmed eyes spilling tears, the doctor tells them tomorrow he'll let them see him. Six months to live wasn't an awfully long time, and this loss of even a day was something they were tearing away from Toshirou almost wretchedly. Gintoki begins to wonder if he's rusting and that's why he can't move, then remembers he can't rust because he's not fully a metal robot. The doctor apologises for what seems like the hundredth time, and now Gintoki is able to walk to Toshirou and hesitantly touch his shoulder. What he'd expected was to have been hit away and stormed off from, not the dying gaze of tear-filled night sky orbs, and shoulders that lean into his touch.

Toshirou is shuddering with the force of the tears, but he's calming down as he's being led out of the building and Gintoki isn't speaking. He knows he should be, it could help him, but he also knows he'll mess up if it's left to him, so he keeps quiet while they walk. The pathway is barren, the garden is bleak, the walkway is empty and the house is lonely. The floors they step on are cold, but Toshirou doesn't feel anything beyond the sphere of Gintoki's arms, which are strangely warm for winter. He'd be turning seventeen soon, but that had no affect on his tears, neither should it have. This was Tamegoro, the man who'd fought tooth and nail for his brother alongside his own health problems, and Toshirou doesn't try to call the Hijikata residence.

Tamegoro had six months left and all be damned if he was letting the household finds out about it just to take advantage of him somehow. He knew better than anyone else that the Hijikata family children were heartless spoiled brats without a care in the world. "Hijikata...sama, should I make tea?"  
He walks to the kitchen with him and mumbles, "Coffee please, Gin", before hoisting himself onto the counter and holding his legs close to his form while he watches the hybrid child move about fetching ingredients. Gintoki's glad he remembers what kind of coffee the other likes, and makes it just a little bit stronger before pouring it into two cups and handing one to Toshirou. He's blowing away the steam with his eyelashes downcast and lips against the rim when Gintoki proceeds to throw in strawberry and chocolate chips, sugar and extra creamer into his cup before frothing it enough to be an desert item and taking it to lean against the counter by Toshirou.

"Gin", he says, quietly and after long enough that half his coffee is gone. Gintoki turns his head and nods him to continue. "What'm I gonna do without Tamegoro onii-han?" Gintoki doesn't answer at first. He thinks of how, thinks of what to say, takes another sip of his drink before placing it down by way of forsaking it and moves to stand in front of Toshirou. "You're going to train to become an investigator aren't you? Tamegoro-nii has always believed in you, he knew you had potential and drive and so do I. I'm sure he'll be happy as long as you stay on your path without faltering."  
This time Toshirou doesn't answer. He contemplates his cup while tears form in his lowered eyes once more, dropping onto the outside of the cup before he places it down and moves his legs. Gintoki leads him slowly into a hug, wordlessly rubbing circles into his back and playing with his hair. He stands like this with the other for quite some time, just in his company and attempting to comfort him while he thinks. Toshirou mumbles into his shoulder finally, "I'll definitely make him proud." And Gintoki feels the smile. Toshirou's smile had always been contagious so he's smiling too, gently pressing his lips to the others shoulder through the clothes and uncovered parts of his neck. Toshirou's breathing is even again, and the coffee has gone cold.

Gintoki isn't quite sure how Toshirou managed to top his class even though he was known throughout the school, heck, throughout the neighbourhood for being rather violent, and something of a delinquent. It was in his first year when Kondo Isao, student council president, decided that Toshirou's extraordinary abilities could serve as an example to others and recruited him as vice captain. They'd become fast friends, something almost unheard of with regard to the dark haired youth. Gintoki couldn't say he was jealous though, someone like Hijikata Toshirou could never just blend in. The hybrid child, however, had dropped out after middle school and started running odd jobs to gain a bit of cash here and there. He reasoned it was for rent, but never actually used it for rent since Toshirou's family support still had that covered for them.

Gintoki usually splurged on sweets and manga, and had acquired a strange fixation for JUMP since he'd first bought an issue at a medical store. When he isn't working, he visits Toshirou at school and continues to be oblivious to the people rushing out of his path. Not even the teachers bothered to get him off campus, regardless that he didn't attend school here. They walk home together, sometimes Toshirou will let him hold his hand, sometimes they walk in silence and buy cheap drinks at the vending machine on their way. It's so domestic it's quite sickening, but it's also what they've become used to without really meaning to. Gintoki is unsure if any hybrid children can live this long, or mature to this age without any sort of incentive, but if not he's glad to be the first. "Gin?" Toshirou's looking at him with curious eyes, having dropped his legs over the side of the counter in favour of leaning back on his hands. "Hmm?"  
"Wha's botherin' ya?"  
He really can't resist pushing back the hair brushing the other's cheeks and doesn't think before pressing his lips lightly there, letting his fingers curl against the other's neck. "'s nothing, Hijikata-sama." Toshirou doesn't shove him so that's a positive here. Dark locks drop against his shoulders and he thinks he can make out the blush on his young master's face, pink and stark against his pale skin.

He holds Toshirou a bit longer than necessary, but he doesn't complain, much less scream. Gintoki finds that prompting him to hold tighter than he had initially intended, and he shudders when soft fingers trail the path of his spine down his back, his loose shirt barely muffling the touch. He takes comfort in the simple calming gesture, leans closer and takes his own time to quietly breathe in the familiar scent. It lulls him, induces in him a somnolence that comes with sheer trust. If it had been anything and anyone else, he'd still be on high alert with fingers clutching a bokken he isn't sure why he bought. Toshirou insists periodically that he should've just bought a real sword, but runs his fingers across the inscription of 'Lake Toya' with fondness nonetheless.

Gintoki allows himself to go limp in his master's arms, leaving his fingers tangled in the others long locks, and feels Toshirou running the pads of his fingers lightly across his back. The soft touch goes up and down his shoulder blades a few times, passes back and forth between the ribs he can feel at the sides and drifts along his spine. He wonders if the other realises that, and decides yeah, he does because eventually Toshirou rests his cheek against Gintoki's curls and his breathing goes slow and even. It makes him smile fondly when he can feel the telltale rumble in his chest that means he's practically asleep, and secures his arms around the other's waist before moving his cheek to rest against his shoulder, "How is anybody to look after you, Hijikata-sama?"  
The boy smiles sleepily, but slurs back an, "I know a way. Jus'stay by my side 24/7. Can't win against ya."

The fair haired boy's laugh is sleepy as he picks up his companion, who's legs lock loosely around his waist, and doesn't feel the weight when he walks them to Toshirou's room, laying him down on the bed to sleep peacefully. Toshirou doesn't let go, tugging at his sleeve but not opening his eyes enough to look at a protest, so Gintoki resigns to the demand, and lays down beside the other. Toshirou's lips press softly to his neck without pressure, drifting over the expanse of skin and occasionally pausing. He stops at the base of the other's neck, takes his lips off and allows his breath to ghost quietly over the dip of his collar bones. Gintoki leans down to kiss his cheek once, and then rests his chin stop the other's hair, letting him curl into his chest and draping a protective arm around his vulnerable master. It's rather cold when they fall asleep.

They're horrifically young, but they don't realise that because they're so caught up in the present. For them, it's the smaller things that hold significance in day to day life. How their sides mesh together so easily, so comfortably, how Gintoki cares for Tamegoro just as much as Toshirou does, how Toshirou makes coffee in the mornings on days he feels especially affectionate. He usually doesn't add chocolate syrup or cream in it though, things that Gintoki will never cease to wonder why the other didn't need. He manages to pick up some amount of cooking and medical skills just from how little Toshirou was at home and how much he came back with countless injuries during his first year. Now, Gintoki's pleased to say less people pick fights with the boy who's reputation precedes him as 'Rosethorn Toshi' but the cooking becomes a hobby. Sometimes when Toshirou cooks Gin will lean against his back as he watches, and when their positions are reversed the dark haired boy likes to cross his arms over the other's shoulder blades. Gintoki will buy books for the other where Toshirou buys him manga. Somehow it's the little things like knowing Gintoki's favourite brand of chocolate and Toshirou's favourite edible cigarette that make them get along so much better than seems possible.

That's why it comes as a surprise to him when he's able to feel Gintoki's rattling as he cooks, when he can't ignore the sickly face the other is making and suddenly it's hot and the stove is out. Toshirou pushes him away from the counter as he serves food and takes his temperature but oh how that does nothing to curb his worry. Gintoki's temperature is fluctuating like a hormonal teenager, flicking from hotter than he can touch to so cold his finger turns blue. He's never mistreated his hybrid child so he has no idea why he's like this, why he's coughing up black, tar-like substance, why he's speaking in terrifying static waves or why his shivering sounds like cutlery falling to the floor in a series of crashes. He's confused, raking his mind for anything he could possible think of that may help but he comes up blank, and is only able to take the boy to his bed, lay him down and place a towel over his forehead.

Toshirou brushes his hair behind his ears and thinks for a moment, silent on his haunches as he drifts through anything in his memory that may help. And then he remembers the teacher that briefed them about proper treatment of hybrid children after the school had found a broken one in the girls washroom barely junior school age, eyes lifeless and soul wrenching and the same tar-like substance dripping out of the sockets and it's mouth. Gintoki had thrown up quite a bit that day, but none of it had been any sort of electric waste. He tries to remember, pulls out a notebook, and finds doodles on a page he'd kept during the lecture. Toshirou thanks the stars and skims through his overly detailed notes, finding finally only a name and an address among things he already knew, supposedly of the inventor of hybrid children. There isn't a phone number or any further information but he had something. Gintoki tugs at his sleeve- he'd forgotten he was crouched by the bed- and assures him it's fine and that he'd been quite satisfied with all he had now. Toshirou clamps a hand over his mouth and crawls beside him, silently promising himself that even if he had to bring a crane he would take Gin to that address and beat the fuck out of the person if they didn't listen to him. It's quite a hopeless situation, but nonetheless hopeless is what Toshirou has grown to be used to. With the exception of the bouncy fair haired jerk he lived with.

"I can't do it." The man had looked at Gintoki, walked around him in a circle, and given the words straight. Toshirou's fists clench and unclench and he keeps his voice level, "Why not?"  
"You're not his original owner are you?"  
But Gintoki had said that wouldn't be a problem, Toshirou is lost for words with a jaw hanging slack like a fish while he tries to formulate something. The man's gaze flicks back to his pipe, "Thought so. He has some traumatic experience with his previous owners and as long as he's bottling that up he won't grow."  
"Okay but he ain't not-growin' or whatever, he's practically dyin'!"  
The man clicks his tongue and takes a long drag of his pipe, blowing the smoke around Gintoki's hair before answering, "Yeah, but his body wants to grow older, since he seems to be living a great life. It wanting to grow and not being able to at the same time are what's causing this."

Toshirou is silent while he tries to comprehend what that means. Luckily, the guy is only shabby in appearance because he stands quietly smoking and looking at Gintoki, not so much as uttering a word. Finally, Hijikata's gaze lifts, and his eyes meet practically flickering red hues. He may be willing to do anything, but this wasn't his fault, or even something he could fix. This was Gintoki's choice alone, and if he had no intention to say anything, Toshirou would respect that. Gintoki respects his mannerisms, his limitations, his not wanting to be called by his name, the silver haired boy always shrugs off things like that the minute he can see Toshirou's eyebrows furrow. So he holds the eye contact, relaxes his shoulders and turns to the man, "So there's absolutely nothing you can do?"  
He frowns, gives him a once over and responds, "Nothing at all, unless you want a new one." He nods, stands, and offers a hand to Gintoki, who's legs shake when he stands. Toshirou pretends for a minute that Gintoki wasn't physically heavier built, because then it seems okay.

Toshirou knows Gintoki had heard the man, but he repeats anyway, "Gin, he says you have unresolved issues that you haven't moved on from yet." Gintoki hums, it sounds like a rusty chainsaw, Toshirou continues, "'s alright though, I've got my own set'a unresolved crap. Don't feel like y'gotta talk unless y'wanna. I ain't gonna push you into doin' a damn thing y'don't like."  
Gintoki leans closer, runs chapped lips across his neck, and smiles as a piece of his cheek falls away. "Hi...ji...ka...t...a...s", he fumbles, but continues, "S...ssa...m...a." Toshirou ruffles his hair and fishes keys out of his pocket, faint smile touching his face past the immense weight that's been dropped on him. "What's it, Gin?"  
"D...ohh...n...t"  
He doesn't push, he waits for Gintoki to finish, "F...or...g...et."  
He presses the heel of his palm into his eyes, dreading the next words, "M...e...?"  
And then Gintoki's eyes flicker out, and Toshirou doesn't let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I mean, did y'all think it was going to be nice forever?  
> Comments and kudos are so lovely and always appreciated, thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	5. The future isn't something we can prepare for before it comes along.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sands can shift their grains, drowning worlds in their entirety  
> The oceans can rise up in disdain, and crash into our security  
> And always, always I will seek you out.

The future isn't something we can prepare for before it comes along.  
Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshirou  
  
Toshirou meets a boy named Takasugi the next year in school, who walks in with an eyepatch and a smug smirk that ticks off the former to no end. To make matters worse, the teacher assigns them as partners till Takasugi has a hold of this high school, and though the boy had nodded in class, he'd not said a single word to Toshirou after his self introduction that had been lacking in more ways than one.   
  
It's been four months since what had happened to Gintoki, and he still hasn't given up on that he could get fixed.   
  
Be that as it may, Tamegoro only has two months left according to the doctors and no matter how vehemently he refused to believe them, he couldn't deny that his brother was getting worse. His walk back from school starts off as boring, and stays that way until he's stopped in an alleyway by a few nasty looking punks from a different school that jeer at him for his long hair. Toshirou sighs, puts his bag down and pulls out his bokken. He doesn't ask their names, which is all well and good since they just run at him anyway and he takes out three of them in ten seconds flat. The fourth, trembling, realises who he is and tells the last guy, who's holding on to someone's hair. They drop their stuff and make a run for their lives as Toshirou shakes his head.   
  
"So you are Baragaki Toshi then", the person who's hair was being pulled says. "What's it t'y- Takasugi?" He raises an eyebrow and the boy stands, his eyepatch nowhere to be found and his closed eye hopefully untouched. "Come with me", he says, leading his new classmate to his empty house and directing him to the living room before fetching the first aid kit. "Is that...Gintoki?"  
"...huh? You know-"  
"Well yeah, I stayed with his ex owner actually. Shouyou, he had two hybrid children. Gintoki, and the one he gave to me, Katsura Koutarou."  
"So what happened t'this Shouyou guy?"  
"Better not to ask. What happened to Gintoki?"  
  
Toshirou unwraps the bandage from the box and sanitises his hands before opening a drawer and pulling out some clips. "Better not t'ask", he sends back, sitting next to Takasugi and waiting till the other nods before clipping sections of his hair up to make space for the bandages. "I could ask Zura to help with Gintoki", Takasugi mumbles, "Just because you helped me out today. I was already injured or I wouldn't have even needed your help by the way." Toshirou hums, starting to wrap the bandage carefully around the others head and over his eye gently. "When d'ya get this thing?" Toshirou gestures to his eye.   
  
The other shrugs, "Few months ago", which startles the long haired teenager; he hadn't expected it to be a recent wound. He dabs disinfectant on it just in case while he redresses the wound and makes a snip to the cloth, pinning it at the side before putting away his things. "D'ya want snacks?" He asks, putting the kettle on the stove for green tea, because that's probably courtesy and he doesn't want to make coffee. Takasugi hums, so he takes it as an affirmative and gathers some biscuits and tea cakes before heading back with everything on a plate. He pours the tea like Tamegoro had once taught him, bracing his hand at the elbow, and sets the pot down without clattering anything. Takasugi mumbles a _'thank you'_ before taking his cup and blowing the steam off absently. They sit in the silence and Toshirou wonders if having helped with his bandage made them friends now or not. "You pour tea well."  
"Thanks."  
  
The next time he visits Tamegoro, he tells him about Takasugi and Katsura, and his brother smiles and says he should get along with them, and he should go try to see if Katsura can help with Gintoki. Toshirou agrees, and then asks if he should cut his hair. His brother says he likes it like this, so he decides not to cut it. The bangs get in his eyes sometimes but he's getting better at tying it up on his own. He's also getting better at getting into fights, which both Gintoki and his brother would've shaken their heads at, but it's not as if he seeks them out.   
  
He comes in second place in the calligraphy competition in school and that's the first time he meets Katsura Koutarou. "Your strokes are really pretty but they aren't traditional enough", a long haired boy tells him, pushing his bangs out of his face and looking like a high class noble. "Thanks and all, but who're ya?"  
"I'm Katsura Koutarou. I live with Takasugi, who's in your class I think. You're Hijikata Toshirou right?"  
"...Mm", he thinks it's slightly scary that every odd thing the other had said had seemed very false, even though they were all true. "You're a hybrid child too?"  
"Well yeah", Katsura traces the lines of his calligraphy piece, and his long hair falls away from where he'd tucked it behind his ear, back into his face and eyes. "I heard from Takasugi that you broke Gintoki. I guess I could try to see what's wrong with him if you'd like?"  
  
"...yeah, if you can", this time Toshirou is actually creeped out, but he needs someone to look at Gintoki or he'll go crazy seeing his empty eyeballs and unmoving fingers day and night. "Oh but I'm going to bring my pet with me", Katsura says to him, leaving no room for an argument but the dark haired youth doesn't care very much, he isn't allergic and though he has a slight cleanliness obsession, he can clean later. "Is Saturday optimal for you?" Toshirou resists the urge to ask who the hell taught him to speak like a samurai from a bygone age, and instead just nods and gets back to class to lie down on his desk.  
  
Soon enough the bell's gone and he's able to go home; he's dreading it. The gate doesn't creak when he opens it, and the door doesn't squeak against rusty hinges. The empty house is silent as the plague, and though Toshirou declares that he's back, the words are swallowed up by the air - he's addressing nobody. Gintoki's empty, red eyes stare across the room at him, not a single strand of hair different from how he'd left him in the morning. It's unsettling and Toshirou is, quite frankly scared out of his mind. But not as scared as he is of never speaking to the other again.   
  
Gintoki had helped him through every second of Tamegoro's hospitalisation, throughout junior school and middle school, in fights and while watching movies so sad they made him sob. The boisterous laughter and lazy personality had just grown on him, to the point where even now his brain is convinced Gintoki is just on a vacation. He would be back soon. He _wasn't_ gone. It's that denial of reality that keeps him sane enough to look at the other's body throughout the day and not freak out. And suddenly it's not silent anymore, a creaking, rusting noise perks up and the air in the room heats up far more than it should, a bubbling noise emanates from Gintoki's throat and Toshirou stands, horrified and unable to move as thick, dark fluid drips out of the other's mouth and down his chin, dripping onto the counter steadily.   
  
He watches, disgusted and terrified as it happens, for a good two minutes full until he has the practical sense to go get a bucket and towels to clean him up as soon as possible. When he brings his fingers up, he can feel the heat rippling through the air, warming his fingers and deterring him from touching the other's probably burning skin. He smells of burning ceramic, and as Toshirou wipes off liquid from his chin and neck, the smell intensifies, overwhelming everything else in the room. Once he can't see anything to clean up, he sits back on his haunches, tired out of his mind. The day's just been too long for him, hours ticking by too slowly. "Gin", he mumbles, resting a hand against once-fluffy silver hair and leaning his forward against the now cooled skin of the other, "Can y'come back soon? 'S hard gettin' by on my own." There's no response, quite obviously, only the rumble of machinery every few seconds. Toshirou goes to throw out the waste.  
  
On Saturdays, Toshirou doesn't wake up early, if at all. He finishes all his work promptly on Fridays, and the loneliness on the next day is crushing. At first he occupies himself as best he can, reading, drawing, watching anime, but slowly and surely he runs out of things to do. He can hear things Gintoki would've said in response to whatever he's doing, and that makes him freeze up to the point where at times he's shivering uncontrollably. He's getting by, calming his breathing, sipping tea, sitting by the window where Gintoki used to look down at the streets.   
  
The silver haired boy'd always had such an extroverted nature, he got along with people in mere seconds of meeting them. And he was _curious_ , he wanted to _know_ , he was always observing, always learning; at times Toshirou felt he was keeping him prisoner. He's never forgotten to mention that Gintoki could leave as he pleased, and yet the other had always let out a small scoff, turned to the other, and burst out into laughter. This usually ended with a light kiss to his forehead and the words, "Why would I want to leave, Hijikata-sama?"  
  
Oh gods, he misses Gintoki even more when he's left to his thoughts.  
  
But this Saturday, the doorbell rings at two in the afternoon, and he blinks oddly. Nobody ever stopped by except the child support people once a month to give him his quota. Toshirou shrugs, climbing down the stairs with a confused frown and somewhat glad he'd showered and dressed to distract himself. When he opens the door, the last person he expects to see is Takasugi Shinsuke. "D...don't get me wrong or anything, I heard from sensei you could help me study," and Toshirou's lip curls up.  
  
"Takasugi, aren't you a delinquent though?"  
"That doesn't mean I can flunk out of school! I just happen to like fighting."  
"Destroying."  
"Fi- okay _maybe_. Can I come in?" Toshirou gestures to the entrance, and Takasugi steps into the house with a muttering of, "Excuse the intrusion."  
This time Takasugi seats himself in the living room and takes out a book, shoving it in front of Toshirou. "Do you want drinks or something?"  
"Yeah sure," comes the reply, so he brings a plate of biscuits and two glasses of lemonade from the kitchen.  
  
True to his word, Takasugi only asks questions related to studies, doesn't turn intrusive, and doesn't make Toshirou uncomfortable. More than once he wants to ask what the _hell_ this delinquent is doing _here_ , but really he can't be bothered. Every time Toshirou thinks he's finished, he points to something else, sometimes almost with a panic in his eyes. When the sky turns dark, however, Takasugi's phone rings. "Hello?"  
Toshirou knows the other voice is Katsura, _"Takasugi! Do you even know the time? What are you doing? Did you get into a fight?"_  
"...Zura, no, I didn't."  
_"It's not Zura, it's Katsura! And where are you?!"_  
"At Hijikata's place."  
And the line falls silent.  
  
_"...check on Gintoki before you get back,"_ and then he hears the beep of the call ending.  
Takasugi closes his books and leans back on his hands. "Hijikata, you know, when I knew Gintoki, he'd get real lonely sometimes. It didn't have to be when he was actually alone. He could be in the middle of a crowd and still look lifeless. He'd go into moods that wouldn't let him eat, wouldn't let him sleep, and he'd stare out the window like the answer was out there. He looked happier the few times I saw him at school, though I didn't know you as anything other than Baragaki Toshi," at this he smiles faintly. "I wasn't wrong when I thought you'd have those moods too, even if they are a little different." That's the most Toshirou thinks Takasugi has ever spoken, and then he stands, and waits for Toshirou to do the same. They walk down the stairs together, to the hall where he glances at Gintoki, displayed like a glass case and yet shrouded like a corpse. He doesn't say anything, he walks to the door and puts his shoes on. "Thanks for helping me out, Rosethorn. I'll see you in school, Monday," and he leaves. This Saturday, he ponders over the words of another delinquent.


	6. There are times devastation leaves nothing in it's wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a hurricane outside and a swirling disaster in here  
> I can't stop what's happening around us  
> But please, come back to me  
> I'm waiting for you

There are times devastation leaves nothing in its wake  
Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshirou  
Hybrid child!AU  
  
The next Saturday, when Toshirou definitely had been sleeping, the bell rings more than once so he stumbles downstairs to pull it open and stifles a yawn he can't help. "-sama I think it was perfectly obvious I meant the following Saturday so he had time to prepare!"  
"Like hell, Zura, you just got nervous and forgot didn't you?!" Two odd figures argue at the doorstep and something jumps out of Katsura's arms to run into his house, and _oh gods is that a duck?_ Toshirou blinks, he's probably still dreaming. "Why are you standing there looking confused, Hijikata-san? Shouldn't we be let in?"

  
"Ah...sure?" He can't give a better answer than that as they step in and slip off their shoes before following him in the direction of the duck noises. Toshirou excuses himself to clean up, and when he gets back from doing so he can still hear honking in some corner of some room and Katsura is talking indignantly to Takasugi. So it hadn't been a dream, and here were two people he barely knew sitting in his living room. The minute Katsura catches sight of him, he sits down and composes himself, straightening out his hair and addressing Toshirou as if something important had happened, "So, where is Gintoki?"

  
He can't tell if that's a trick question so he glances towards Takasugi, who drops his face onto his palm. "Zura, it's right in the fucking corner, are you blind?" Coming from a guy wearing an eyepatch, that honestly was comical. Toshirou would laugh but seeing the lifeless doll in the corner sobered him up real quick. "You could try telling me that sooner, Takasugi-sama!" He screams again before stalking to the doll and sitting down with his legs crossed in front of him. 

  
Both boys just watch as Katsura pouts, glaring for a few seconds, "Gintoki, you wouldn't believe all the things I've been through this far. I've just about had it with Takasugi, do you remember the dojo? And now-"  
The hybrid child rants on and on as if unawares to the other two people in the room. Takasugi sighs, "Hijikata, you know, Kotarou isn't really my hybrid child." He waits for Toshirou to turn his head before continuing, "He was Shouyou's. I just took him in since Shouyou...well, ain't here right now. If Zura wants to leave when he's strong enough to, I will let him leave."  
The blue eyed boy's gaze flicked to the ground as he shifted his legs, "Wish I had your confidence, T'sugi."  
"T'sugi?"  
"Takasugi's too damn long."  
"Ah," comes the response, accompanied by a smile that punctuates the mood as Katsura continues to talk to the corpse.

\---

  
The days pass much too fast and he refuses to believe when he enters the hospital and the woman tells him today may be the last day. Toshirou no longer cares about going home or school or even food, though it's absurdly late in the night he just sits by his brother's bed and tells him everything he'll miss. Toshirou tells him everything he's grateful for, everything he hadn't said out loud and as he tries to stifle his tears, Tamegoro strokes his hair, softly and gently as though he isn't the one in pain. Toshirou refuses to acknowledge the beeping monitor in the corner or the plastic wires attached to his brother's arms; he can barely see through the glassy film over his eyes but somehow those things are in uncanny clarity. 

He sits at the edge of the bed and puts his arms around his brother because he knows he won't be able to again, and Tamegoro uses his free hand to wrap around his waist, "Toshirou, your brother loves you." He says only this, no other sentimental words or paragraphs though he's had months to write them and Toshirou nods because there's nothing he can say without his voice breaking. "I always will love you, Toshirou," Tamegoro smiles, letting him go and brushing parts of his hair behind his ears. Toshirou has to choke past the laugh that bubbles up when the too-long strands fall right back into his face. None of the nurses come into the room, doctors nowhere in sight, and besides the wires supplying fluid to his arm and the machine in the corner, they're alone here. 

He knows this means there's nobody who's willing even to try to save him, but Toshirou getting mad at the doctors won't help that situation and Tamegoro finally looks contented. His eyes are closed but he's still breathing so the younger boy doesn't say anything. He lays there as the fingers drawing patterns into his scalp slow down and stop. He doesn't move when the heaving of the chest he rests on slows down. He can't speak when a faint sigh rushes past lips that are closed now. He can't cry when the heart monitor stops beeping, and one by one Tamegoro's body parts flicker to a halt.

  
The drip attached to his arm continues to flow as the bag empties out and Toshirou should call the doctors but he doesn't. He should open the curtains and check the time but he doesn't. He lays there in the silence of the pristine room that should smell like antibiotics but instead only smells like Tamegoro, and nobody comes in to tell him to leave so he doesn't. Silent sobs wrack his frame and he wants to scream but he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know anything but the pallor of Tamegoro's skin as the life drains away from it, he can't think of anything but his warm smile and the protective nature that kept him away from what part of the world would look to harm him, his tears burn with the memories of a house so empty even though it had been full and the Hijikata residence that had nothing for him but his oldest brother. He's lost now, life itself draining out of him with the tears that continue to soak the bed frame.

He doesn't know how it's Kondo that finds him here, nobody with him and hair in a mess that suggested hurry but Toshirou doesn't have it in him to care how Kondo had gotten here or why. He refuses to leave, but to his surprise Kondo doesn't ask him to. The student council president had gone to inform the doctors that they wouldn't be leaving and didn't have to either, to which past skepticism they mostly allow. Toshiro stays on the floor beside the bed, holding onto his brothers hand and leaning his head against the wooden side boards of the bed frame.   


His breathing doesn't calm down, he stays that way, eyes unfocused and far away as he clutches the sheets with a frustration that only comes with helplessness and he's lost again. He doesn't know why he wasn't the one who had died, both times and every injury in between and if it meant Tamegoro's health he would gladly take his place. He was the best older brother possible, an ideal son, caring, compassionate, smart, and he had taken the full pains to understand the younger boy throughout the years they'd been together. Kondo sits at the plastic chair Gintoki used to occupy and a fresh wave of scorching tears force their way down his cheeks and it _hurts_. 

The tears hurt, his eyes hurt, his chest is clenched and he _can't even breathe anymore_. He refuses to pay attention to anything but the empty clicks from the cardiograph, IV emptied out and various other wires no longer pumping whatever liquids they had been. An oxygen mask lays to the side, attached to another contraption he doesn't understand and he can't help the memories that flood through with it. His head is muddled, thoughts full and at the same time so empty he can't think of anything but this. Anything but _Tamegoro_. He can't even remember how long he's been sitting still, disheveled hair making a mess of his already tear-impaired vision and when someone opens the door he clutches onto his brother's hand that's never been this cold and looks up. 

A doctor tries to feign sympathy but his scrubs betray him as he adjusts his gloves and mask, nose scrunching almost indistinguishably. _But he noticed._ "I'm sorry son but I'll need you to step aside so we can bag- perform final checks to see if he's...deceased," he's much too crass and Toshirou already doesn't like him so he doesn't move. "Look son I'm genuinely sorry for your loss but it's been three days and his corpse is going to rot," he doctor declares, and he's so horrified he almost picks up the scalpel on the tray to throw at this person. "What kind of thing is that to say?!" Kondo responds instead, voice hoarse from disuse and anger seeping through his calm. The doctor seemed to have forgotten there was another person in this room at all, but Kondo says what Toshirou can't. "We know you have a job but the least you can do is be a little _careful_ with your god damn words!"

  
And the dark haired youth stands slowly, fingers slipping away almost believing the warmth of life would remain if he released his hand. He looks the doctor straight in the eyes and tells him to get lost.

It's definitely the wrong idea, this was their hospital, but he can't stand the idea of such a man coming near his brother. The doctor looks startled, eyes wide and mouth agape but he does leave so Toshirou's word must count for something. "Toshi,"  
"Hmm?"  
"...I'll get a better doctor", though Kondo had seemed like there was something else he had to say, he settles on this before he walks through the door and closes it behind him. Toshirou looks at his brother again, slight smile still gracing his lips, and he can't see that his face has gone gaunt. He can't see the greyish tinge to his skin or the rims beneath his eyes, he chooses not to see the stiffness in his shoulders or that his chest isn't expanding as he breathes. Because he's not breathing, but _Toshirou can't see that._    


The door bursts open in a noise so loud he jolts upright, dropping his brothers hand that he'd found again onto his chest with a thump that startles him twice as much even though it makes less than half the noise. "I am so sorry! Are you Hijikata T-"  
"Shut the _fuck_ up!" He all but yells, disbelief in his eyes as he looks back at the hand that doesn't move anymore and his brother looks like a doll. Like Gintoki when he'd found him back years ago, lifeless. He won't believe his own thoughts as he takes Tamegoro's hand again, and the skin and flesh is still there. There's no reaction, no pressure on his own hand as there usually would be but he can't think about that right now.   


Slowly, he calms his breathing. He can't lose it like this. He can't let his mind get the better of him like this. His self control kicks in as he straightens a little, giving his brother's hand one last squeeze and closing his eyes. "Toshi?"  
He lets go.  
He turns.  
Kondo's eyes are red-rimmed and hollow, the doctor looks frantic. "Yes?"  
It's the man in white that responds first, "H...Hijikata Toshirou?"

  
"That's me."  
"Your brother had written off all his possessions to you, so you can find that in his wi- ah, um, for now if you could perhaps allow me to check him?"  
Toshirou feel protectiveness surge through him, he's disgusted by the thought of some heartless doctor doing this because he was getting paid, and he has the urge to throw the guy against the wall or in the least jump-kick him into the door. But it ebbs. He _forces_ it to ebb. His eyes close as he sighs, and this doctor isn't pushy and doesn't yell. 

He's taller, dark hair all fluffed up and Toshirou almost laughs when it reminds him of Gintoki. But he hold his tongue, and moves away from the bed. Kondo rests a hand on his shoulder, his slight smile telling him he was proud of him. Proud of him for his restraint, and only now does Toshirou realise he's actually been here for three full days. Day and night in a dazed, not-quite-asleep state without eating anything. He can't remember if he had even drank the water the nurses usually keep next to him. He's almost sure his legs are going to give out, but they don't. 

And the doctor tells him he's thankful as Kondo leads him out the room. The door clicks shut. But it's not just the door that clicks shut, it's his older brother's life that whooshes out with the cold draft of the air conditioned room. He wonders who's family member the doctors will condemn to this room next.

Kondo keeps a hold on his shoulder as they walk, it keeps both of them grounded to right now as they focus on exactly this second. They get coffee from a dispenser and it tastes like shit but they down two cups each. Kondo hands in a ticket at the entrance and someone he doesn't recognise hands him two coats and a bag. Toshirou puts the coat on, following as they leave the hospital and that's possible all he's capable of right now. Following. 

His mind is too much of a mess to maintain any state but blank without causing him to break down so he follows, quietly. He's led into a car and past a drive through and remembers how much older Kondo is than him when he sees his hands on the wheel, at times he forgets the age gap. He doesn't ask what Toshirou feels, or any other pity induced statement, instead he asks what song he would like to listen to on the radio. When the younger boy shrugs, he turns to a station that's half static at first, but then turns into a soothing song he doesn't recognise. There are many things right now he doesn't recognise; the streets, the shops, signboards and forks in the road. But he does recognise the beach. 

Toshirou had never liked the beach, sand got everywhere and salt water felt disgusting, not to mention the heat and the people everywhere, but he'd been once before under Kondo's request and Gintoki's seeming agreement to it. He's slightly surprised to see it again, and more so when the door opens till he realises Kondo had gotten out, walked around and opened the door since he'd been lost in thought. He mumbles an apology and the other chuckles, a mere shadow of his boisterous laugh. They sit on the fencing that marks the start of the beach and eat cheap fast food at a ridiculous hour of the night; he can see sunlight though he can't see the sun. His lids almost close on their own as he sits in the silence, broken by the sound of waves against the sand and Kondo tells him it's almost high tide and they should go back. 

He's grateful to the brunette for bringing him here, regardless of the time, and he remembers to put the seat-belts on this time as he slides into the passenger seat. If Kondo had noticed he hadn't been wearing them before, he hasn't said anything of it. He's grateful to have a friend like him, but there are times devastation leaves nothing in its wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry this won't be anything like my other GinHiji story  
> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated :)


	7. Boredom is universal but longing is relative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mundane things attempt to fill the hole you've left in my life  
> Time wastes away, your presence still bright in my memory  
> And someday, someday will you come back?

Boredom is universal but longing is relative  
Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshirou  
Hybrid child au  
  
"Kondo-san I don't want to-"  
"Nonsense, Toshi! You're joining the kendo club too!"  
He gets roped into it, completely opposed and more than irritated with the prospect of spending hours in a sweaty gym with people he doesn't know swinging a _wooden sword_ of all things. _Of all things_ , it had to be the fucking _**wooden sword**_. He gets a hand on his shoulder that jolts him out of his stupor almost worse than Kondo's heavy slap to the back, and of course it's Takasugi who understands what he's on about. 

He doesn't say a word, just stands there with a hand on his shoulder watching Kondo try to convince Yamazaki Sagaru, who Toshirou doesn't know very well and doesn't honestly care to until Kondo crosses his arms in front of the boy with green dye and odd stubble and demands he take back a statement he'd made. Takasugi offers to take care of it, but with a sigh Toshirou is already there, catching the sword the purple haired boy throws at him and swinging it with as much force as he can towards Yamazaki's -or, _Mountain Zaki_ 's- neck, stopping inches before his skin, cracking his knuckle when the other's eyes widen into saucers. 

Takasugi chuckles where Kondo just grins widely, but Toshirou continues, "Fix your hair, shave, and learn to deny people properly or I'll shove your face through the wall."  
There isn't a hint of emotion in his voice but Yamazaki runs as though he's been stung and the wooden sword is tossed back to its owner before his thought drift to silver hair and street fights. He's happy enough to be in the student council, but most of that had gone awry since he stopped having anyone next to him and since the passing of his brother he'd been considering dropping out. Finishing school as discretely as possible, not joining or being part of any clubs, and once again it's Kondo that convinces him otherwise and Takasugi who tells him the idea is stupid and not at all what his brother would've wanted for him. He wants to deny that, but really he has no way to when it's a likely truth.

Kendo club is as he'd expected, tiring and boring and most of the members are annoying. He leaves straight after, comes right before and doesn't spend a single extra minute no matter if he had nothing to do at home. Kondo tries to get him into something else, video games, books, manga, and he likes it all but faintly enough that he isn't hooked. He plays, reads, watches, spends hours imagining what he could do and without fail passes out against his unmade bed every day the minute he's back from school. 

It's not even the absence of sleep driving this, he just has no other way to cope with the hours in the day that wane too many, the minutes on the clock above the hybrid child's face and Toshirou doesn't even step in the hall anymore because of the broken doll.  
The days are short and quiet and though he doesn't lapse to insanity he's horrifically tired and it keeps him believing he's grown lethargic.

It's at the convenience store one day that he sees a man buying cigarettes and holding a plastic bag with bottles of liquor. The man turns to him, who's buying ice cream he doesn't like for the memories of the flavour, stationary and tape for his fingers that are bruising with the wearing of the kendo sword.  
"Are you all right?" The man asks, taking off his shades, scratching at his short cropped beard. Toshirou nods, pushing bangs out of his face as the salesperson says an amount that the older man pays with a smile. 

The parking lot is crowded this time of day, it's warm and sultry on the curb of summer and the man sits by a vending truck selling cold drinks, offering without pretence to buy him one.  
Toshirou isn't an idiot, "Why?"  
"You have the beginnings of dark circles, you look upset and it's awfully hot for summer right?"

He isn't convinced but he wants to cool off just like anyone else, and the man hardly looked suspicious with his sympathetic smile, he couldn't be older than twenty four and he seems to notice the suspicion because he goes on, "My name's Hasegawa Taizo. I work for the government, I'm a communications official. I'm only offering you some company and a juice, I have a home and family and it's the middle of the day in a crowded parking lot."

Toshirou sits.  
He buys his own cool drink and sips in the silence as the other shakes his head incredulously. Hasegawa doesn't ask him what's wrong or if he can help, he smiles and drinks blue liquid from a glass, shopping bag at his side where Toshirou keeps his clenched between his fingers. He asks for an ashtray, Toshirou stiffens.  
"I'm sorry, do you mind?"

"Not particularly," he lies because Gintoki has always told him when he was a legal age he should try it just to see the smoke. Toshirou had told him it was just like fire smoke, tendrils of grey drifting up from a slender white pencil between someone's fingers. Gintoki had denied it, told him one day they'd share a cigarette on a balcony on his 20th birthday and watch the smoke curl around the moon. He's 17. When he's 20 he doesn't know if he'll be able to do that.

Hasegawa's fingers move over his lighter, the click in the metal timing with the clink of ice in his glass as Toshirou wonders why the ashtray is made of wood but has metal patterns on it. And he sees the smoke the other breathes out curl around his wrist, for half a second before he turns away to an advertisement of a woman in a short top fanning herself and tells himself he _can't see that smoke._ It belongs to _Gintoki,_ between _them_ and the answers he had been left without. 

He doesn't turn back around when Hasegawa puts out the cigarette, sipping his drink, and Toshirou suddenly doesn't want to be out of his home any longer, asks himself why he'd bought juice at all, downs it, disposes of the cup and is gone.

Neither Takasugi not Katsura bring up Gintoki in conversations. Toshirou sees them slip up a few times, cut themselves off and go on with a different conversation on a tangent he has a hard time following but he's grateful. Kondo puts him in every social situation possible, dragging him to parties that are too loud and he slips out of, group dates that he leaves the minute someone shows interest and every sport he showed a whim for.

Takasugi is a different kind of person from the one he's used to. He's quiet, but not unnaturally, he talks but not a lot, his words range from scorn to indirect concern and somewhere along the way those two intersect. He seems to understand, he only wonders, time passes, and there's only so long he can cope. They read manga together, complain about the characters, listen to music and debate about milk in coffee. They're all mundane, normal, almost boring but it's the conversation that keeps him attached to the time frame that doesn't matter anymore. 

He's distracted from the heavy ticking of the clocks in his empty rooms by Takasugi's purple hair and snide comments, by the space they occupy side by side and the comfort that's really only mutual understanding. Takasugi likes short naps, air conditioning, flavoured yoghurt and wants to get piercings. Toshirou likes hours of sleep, cold winters, mayonnaise and has never considered body art. They're an odd pair to say the least, Takasugi unwillingly has a gang that Toshirou, who's in the student council refuses to associate with but they walk the hallways together and both choose each other's presence over distance.

"Hijikata"  
"Hmm?"  
"Look up."  
"What?"  
"The sky, it's so blue."  
The scoff he gives isn't all disdain and he does look up so Takasugi has to smile.

They go to arcades occasionally, karaoke other times, and never stay at either place for long because Toshirou doesn't enjoy being out long hours and says greetings even when the house is empty. Of course Gintoki is there, and Takasugi knows this so he thinks of it as more a ritual than a confirmation. It's been too long. Two years? Slightly more? He isn't sure and doesn't ask because they're going to be third years soon and then the decision comes to an education he doesn't know if he wants. Toshirou's books are splayed out on his desk to Takasugi knows he wants it.

"Takasugi-"  
"Hmm?"  
"It's raining."  
Drops tap against the window in a quiet sound that's not honestly comforting but a lull that fills the silence created by their lack of communication. He wonders if Gintoki had spoken a lot, he's never been the type but who was to know?  


"You can stay over."  
He nods in thanks, fishing out his phone to text Katsura the information before he sits on the carpet, leaning against the bed frame with a cold wind seeping into his clothes. Toshirou doesn't ask before he gives him coffee, enough milk to turn the colour of the cup Toshirou owned and sugar that was barely enough to sweeten a cup half this size.  
It's bitter, not fully, enough that wakes him up as he sees Toshirou sip it black and hot, breath sending the smoke whisking far beyond his lips.

"Lets skip school tomorrow."  
"I can't do that."  
"I'll take you hostage then."  
"What? This isn't a drama."  
"Local gang casualty. Lets bake a cake."

The occasion, though Toshirou possibly doesn't know, is that it's the birthday they'd assigned Gintoki all those years ago and the cake they used to make for him, insisting on doing it even though they had been so horrible at it.  
Toshirou _knows._  
He looks away.  
The bridge of his knows is pink like the rims of his eyes and Takasugi leans closer till their shoulders touch. Empty coffee mugs sit against the carpet, the sound of rain dulled by the curtains and the windows, volumes of manga neatly lined up on the cupboard above literature books and DVDs, stray figurines littering the display between boxes, books and framed by the issues of shounen JUMP magazine.

"Tell me."  
"What?"  
"About Gintoki," it's a statement laced with curiosity, spiked with resentment and full of an intoxication he doesn't need to explain. Takasugi hums, drums his fingers against the carpet and smiles when Toshirou's fingers stop his, hand covering his quietly as he waits.

"He didn't talk much more than throw commentary, loved Doraemon, the weather woman and Shouyou-sensei. Shouyou-sensei taught me and owned both of them," that's all he divulges consciously, and he isn't asked for the rest. He waits in the silence as Toshirou's gaze shifts from the windowsill to his bookshelf to a poster on the wall of a band his companion doesn't recognise, settling on their coffee mugs with a sigh that's meant to be contemplative, but Takasugi sees through that easily. 

Toshirou curses when he's called out. Irritably and discouraged, annoyance an aftermath of his framed apathy and Takasugi wonders if anyone could see the stars in the eyes of people they don't know, deciding on the denial of the notion with a lethargy to show the teary eyed Toshirou to the world, long hair mottled and damp, face buried between his knees and barely looking at the wall as he tries not to utter a sound. 

He understands why Gintoki could have been ridiculously happy, understands but can't comprehend why he hasn't declared any advances to the long haired boy sitting next to him. They record a short video, picture sending off to a phone that beeps in the living room but it's a miracle that thing had survived. Toshirou enjoys keeping Gintoki's phone up and working though he never looks through it. It's something he uses as a reminder not to remember.  
Maybe someday those messages will be opened right?  
Takasugi wants to think so.  
Toshirou has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only one with a major thing for Hijikata/Takasugi friendship?


End file.
